Sneak Peek!!

So, as you SHOULD know, Ryan and I are working on a book of short stories.
I've written about 6 and now they just need to be edited and illustrated.

Here is a blurb from a story titled Eli:

"Eli opened his eyes. The sky was an orangey-gray color. He always told himself that when he got out of that forest he would paint it. Or rather, he would actually hire a painter and have them paint for him. Eli wasn’t really the artistic type. He was more of a numbers and equations kind of guy. Numbers and certainty were the only things he had in his life. While he was bored he would sit and count objects. There were eighteen and two one-third panels in his office. His doctor had six paintings, two degrees, and three licenses hanging on the wall behind his large mahogany desk. Blythe had seventeen freckles under her left eye and ten under her right. She had three yellow spots of color in the green iris around the pupil of her eyes. She had one scar. A long deep scar along the left side of her face, down her neck, and down the back of her shoulder. She was the one most beautiful girl who had ever loved him. Had."

Tell me what you think.....

6 additional things:

Linda said...

Who is the story aimed at? What age?

I'd miss out the word "actually" as it doesn't add anything. I'd also separate into more paragraphs. (My own opinion.)

kelsilove said...

It's just for anyone who would want to read it. It's going to be in a book with 5 other stories of the same variety.

I still have to do some editing. I took that from the 2nd draft

TLC Inspirations said...

I really like the lead in...I would definitely continue on in the story. I want to know more about what happened with Blythe, lol. And I felt like on top of being a "numbers and equations guy", that have instant recall, in regards to his memory (there's a word for that, but it escapes me at the moment). Great start!

kelsilove said...

Thanks!! I stole that from about the middle of the story.
It might be my favorite story that I have written so far.

beautifulpirate said...

It definitely captures the attention. I think it would be interesting to hear or read more.

Valerie's Essentials said...

Wow I like it... I can picture him so clearly! Sounds like a Nora Roberts book! That's all I read... When I can read... LOVE it... But Linda is one with the same type of visual creativity when it comes to writing and painting well creating! Great job!